LVYN

Wednesday, April 04, 2007
Last Chapter: KILL LOVE

This is the last entry to this blog... I dunno y i wan to end, maybe becos i wan this entry to be always on top...thanx bloggy...
It had been the worst time in my life...first time i nearly gone crazy n died...i kill the love in her n let her change into another person... my fault...but not all...i felt so betray... wat's the truth... who's lying...my heart is dead,can't love her anymore...tt's it...(sorry this paragraph not much ppl will understand...)
Haiz wat happen ah, i dun trust her... my fault... i treat her no good my fault...but not all my fault... better not say too much about who's fault here...pointless... just to tell all couple... if choose to be with someone u love, be faithful... dun ever betray ur love one... make him or her part of u, ur family, no matter wat happen, be there for them...just like ur child... how hard the situation is,hold it through...trust each other, if u love, if not then dun love... dun do anything tt make it suspicious to him or her,so there will be more trust...communicate truely,comprimise, everything will be fine...n one last thing,dun ever give up untill they give up...this is wat i learn la...
Wat left with me is memories...nvr can be erase, i have to accept... n carry on with life... put in true love in the future her...erm tt love is a treasure, c who gets it... every tomb have a photo, so later when i had my com back i will put all the memories photo here,it's the end of this blog, this love...

This is all those we take... nothing else...ya think still got some recent one, but dunno y my fucking phone throw me temper... not really good in making these kind of things... seems funny ba, but nvm, i dun think u care...

Eve, seriously i trust u about tt matter la, i dun believe u will do tt kind of things to betray me, but i have no choice to believe zhe... if i dun, i can't hate u, if i can't stop hating u, i will not change into another person, if i dun change, i will still love u... u r part of me, now is just like ripping part of me off while i'm still alive... i love u, i wan u... i wan u onli...dun leave me.... pls!!! haizzzzzz.... untill now i'm still crying... dun we have happy memories? looking at the photos, n think it back, didn't i show my love to u? i cried all day long becos all this memories r so beautifull n happy, but they r onli memories tt nvr going to happen with me n u again... watever... most probably u won't c till this paragraph, most probably u c already then just walk off, most probably u won't even c... i write for myself to c onli la... haha... all my tears for u r true... from the start, i treasure all the moments... when i'm bao ronging u, when u r bao ronging me... tt's love, onli now tt u can't bao rong me anymore le, but i still can bao rong all ur past... i know i truely love u... thanx for everything, n sorry for wat i have done...

Tt night go meet esther, talk cock sing song la... then she know everything la... she ask me, if u come back to me will i accept? i say definately no... but she say her instinct says tt i will... now i know it's true, i will accept u, but i know u won't come back... so i promise: " if eve comes back to me b4 i start another truthful relationship,no matter wat, i will love her forever, shower her with all my love, n definately make her my wife..."

Hehe... ting, impossible de la, so dun worry, i will move on...

7:18 PM
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Monday, March 05, 2007
Chapter182: Alone away from this world...

Have been long long time i nvr blog liao... ya... busy, depress, dun even have to mood to type much... been to the ground of life... but getting well before cny... been with eve for a year past... things get better...getting richer... but the pressure still coming... at least i am getting up n carry on again... dunno how am i now, but at least i'm happier now n slowly going to the next stage...
As i'm getting to the next stage, i get to c alot of things... somethings just can't use words to explain... somethings r repeating but the main character change to me... tt time i nvr do it this, but will he? tt time she nvr do it this way, but will another she do it this way? i realli dunno... is there realli a way tt will solve all type of things? is extreme logic a realli intellegent? can a person live without emotion? wat a stupid question? i actualli know it myself... a person can't live without emotion, especailly when u wan to achieve intelligent, becos great intelligent is making extreme logic with extreme emotion, and vice verser...
I had 2 main path, but split into lots of section... how rich i wanna be, i wanna be the richest man in the world... i dunno whether i can make it, but i will nvr make it if i dun try... if i wan i must do it fast... but the fast way my gal dun permit... there's no other way... i dunno how... like her dad so rich? ya great, but not great enough... i dunno how... which way? become poor but happy? possible...safe n steady...but slowly... seems the best way... i will still be happy... having a relationship is a blockade... wat will the world be like next time? maybe i will not be with her... i dunno...but i still love her deeply n she loves me deeply... wat should i do? haiz... think i should take it easy... n continue with love, but wat if tt thing happen? if onli i'm alone, i will do everything my way... n i'm not afraid anything tt they do... keke, b4 i have her i think exactly opposite... human is so funny... u have passion in doing something, but when u do alot, u will be tired... like cooking as a career, driving as a career, serving as a career... no matter wat career u choose soon u will be sick n tired of it... i dunno... or maybe my passion is not passion... so wat's my passion? i realli dunno leh.... but i know one thing... i must have lots of money... even if one day i like her dad, sick n tired of using money, at least i can leave it to someone i love to spend it...tt is one thing... second thing is built total harmony to the world... wat can i do to kill selfishness, greediness, laziness, in every single one in this world? i wanna achieve something onli the god can do... n the best thing is, if this happen will there be harmony in the world? or will it be total destruction, n how long will it last? can i do it first? and last question... issit really worth doing it? it's onli point of view matter... here my topic pulling further from my title... sorry everyone, this blog maybe onli i can understand...

1:48 AM
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Friday, February 23, 2007
Chapter181: Hierophant

You are The Hierophant
Divine Wisdom. Manifestation. Explanation. Teaching.
All things relating to education, patience, help from superiors.The Hierophant is often considered to be a Guardian Angel.
The Hierophant's purpose is to bring the spiritual down to Earth. Where the High Priestess between her two pillars deals with realms beyond this Earth, the Hierophant (or High Priest) deals with worldly problems. He is well suited to do this because he strives to create harmony and peace in the midst of a crisis. The Hierophant's only problem is that he can be stubborn and hidebound. At his best, he is wise and soothing, at his worst, he is an unbending traditionalist.

What Tarot Card are You?

Take the Test to Find Out.

2:56 AM
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Thursday, November 30, 2006
Chapter180: Equivalent trade

"People cannot gain anything without sacrificing something,

You must present something of equal value to gain something.

This is the equivalent trade in alchemy,

I believe that this is the truth of the world..."

Haha,recently watch a comic call "Fullmetal Alchemist" haha a very nice comic...above is wat i read from tt comic...this call the law of alchemy in the book...keke make sence hor...then the story is the brothers,which is the main character,are finding something call the philosopher's stone,tt can amplify the power of sacrifice...like maybe u lost a hair for creating a sports car or something like tt...haha...comic ma...anything can happen...

But in real life ah,everybody are sacrificing things while they wanted to gain other things...from sacrificing energy to time to money to even lifespend...y?becos they wanna get something else...but in real world if u stupidly sacrifice something,then u may not even get wat u wan...so when sacrificing pls think properly...

"You must present something of equal value to gain something" erm... equal value ah?i onli can say there's no such things as equal value...ur value ,my value, his value,her value means a lot of different...should say no one have the exact same value...currency came to justify,alot of things have their fix value...but something is in a human,tt make exchange trade abnormal...human emotion...human can sacrifice brainlessly for something tt doesn't exist physically...and everybody in this world will do so...it's how far u will go...an example is like,this guy always come n buy things from this uncle,then one day this uncle give him something for free...for tt situation alone it's abnormal exchange,but overall the uncle is still earning even more becos of tt regular customer...this is just a mild example...if we tok about love,there will be even more ridiculous exchange going on...haha humans r stupid,even myself...n this can't be help...

Erm,but for wat i exchanged,i didn't regret...cos it's valuable to me...like now i spend money here download the "FMA" anime...haha if can c,i still felt tt it's worth it...if cannot c..haha i will say tt it's part of life la...the money is made to be waste...haha....left 7 min...keke...hope nothing goes wrong...

5:24 PM
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Thursday, October 26, 2006
Chapter179: My heart collapsed...

There's this feeling...my heart had collapsed...doing something as a career... it's really very tough...this career i choosed...but i always believe i can make it...i believe,this is my best choice...i also thinks tt even a person with the strongest will, will felt tt his will is bending...of cos, this is a path tt certainly can be walked through...n in fact so many ppl had achieve honorable result...i also believe i can,n i can change it to even a greater stage...but now...
Remember,i choose my path during my ns life...n now everything is in a mess....i didn't achieve much...remember tt day,04072005....how i wish i should go right b4 tt time...i will nvr make this choice...i will nvr....i will nvr know these ppl...all these memories...i won't have for now...i seriously dun mind giving up these memories...realli...the onli one i wanna know is my gal...other than her,i'm willing to give up...n i really shouldn't know them....not becos i hate them...just becos i hate myself n making everyone sad for leaving their world...ppl,dun remember me animore...just leave me...
He will hate me,they will hate me...for giving up...i'm not...i'm just letting go...u ppl may think tt i'm no good,fucker...but u know,this is my future not urs...i'm the one should regret n feel pain,not u...u understand my pain?whether anot,fuck off...
So wat should i work as a career? dunno... u will c for urself...i dun need others...i just need hers...

11:18 AM
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Friday, October 20, 2006
Chapter178: I miss u...

Been happening lost of things to my life recently....like i'm sitting a pathetic ship n i'm on the sea where storm is happening none stop...er...i think this life...when will the sun shine...i think i choose to be on the ship...i choose to be alive in this life...
Gal...i'm not angry...i still miss u all...all of u...miss tt time...when i'm alone...the light shining on me,i dun mind being a clown tt time...cos we r happy...i promise, the time will come again...without flawes...
Dear,no matter how much u lie to me last time...even if u have something still lying to me i won't mind...i realli wanna know the truth, but nvm...u will tell me one day...i will trust u...maybe i'm the one tt is something wrong,not u...i love u...i wan u to be happy...if one day something realli happened,hope u can forgive urself,n for me,i already forgive u...love u...
Everyone...i choose my path...if u wanna help,pls help,if not, u can't stop me...cos the spell has cast in me...i will reach it with all my might...i will try more then my best,a__ bless me...i know u will...F______,i know u will always pray for me n others...i will not back off again...
LIFE,i mean the one tt wrote to me last time...i miss u too...i miss ur busy body-ness...i dun mind u giving me anymore advice...had been one year...since my 20th birthday...come back...i will post ur link on this blog...let others know how great u r,tt help me alot...
B___,wat happen?haha long time nvr talk to u...there's memories with u...onli a moment...no...onli tt moment i love the most...i maybe lying to myself tt time...i'm holding ur hand,looking to ur eyes...abit dunno wat to do...but i felt tt i'm in love with u...although now i already i have someone i realli love...but sure,i still miss u,n the moment...i will always miss u n wan u to be happy...if i'm not wrong,u already with someone tt will make u happy...i'm happy too...
Everyone...the one tt i realli missed deeply...hope tt i will suffer the storm for u...i realli dun mind when i know u guys r watching the rainbow tt is shining the whole sky...i miss all of u...

2:45 AM
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Tuesday, October 17, 2006
Chapter177: 2nd phase

Haiz...this week onwards i gonna work night shift liao...sian...after work can't go much place...b4 work wanna slp...super no life....haiz...no money...sian...night shift...should say the 2nd phase of training in scarlet...
Yesterday,finally know wat they actually wan from me...they wan me to be at the same standard as them...i felt tt i already learn alot...but still not enough ba...yesterday,jimmy, my lead cook scold me untill siao...got one thing,when i cook tt time i nvr taste,when i gan chong tt time i forget things...i can even forget wat's the portion size i'm cooking...last few days i cook 2 carrot with alot of salt...very salty...jimmy very angry...then yesterday i cook the garlic mash potato,no taste...then he say...2 times already...if let him catch the 3rd time i no need to stand at entremeteer post anymore...so scared...haiz...then he also say,i so many things dunno...y nvr go ask?if i go ask, nobody will scold me one...then i was thinking...maybe i'm realli no good in this part...i already at 2nd phase liao then still got so many fuck things i dunno...i need to ask...then i aga aga go list out wat i duno...wa alot man...dunno who can i ask realli...jimmy today off...leon wat shit also dunno...terence i also dunno how to ask him...he may not even answer me...KC ah,can try but he may not just tell me like tt...haiz...c xiao hong today there anot...haiz...so stress...

1:05 PM
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Saturday, October 14, 2006
Chapter176: I'm a dog...

Haiz...been working in scarlet almost coming to a month...late for less then 15 mins 2 times,more than 15 mins 2 times,mc once...took 3 offs over all...next week is the 4th week...haiz...hope i can improve more...
Onli 3 trainees there...jian rong from cold kitchen,first week 2 mc liao...cannot blame him la...he wanted to go front office de but no space then come scarlet...btw he from temasek...can't take too much stress...anyway, cold kitchen got wat stress....haiz...
Another,adrain,from raffles international training school...from raffles hotel...follow eric to scarlet to finish his attachment...quite pro...learn things very fast...but very the yaya...always talk to guys like he very good...then talk to gals like alot of gals like him...haiz...attitude...
So,ppl want me to be the best trainee i think...somemore from shatec...alot of ppl there from shatec...first hospitality school...shld be good...putting alot of stress on me...haiz...dunno how...i like tt issit becos i not enough slp?i dunno....always got problem one...forget this forget tt...hope i can be better...hope i can improve...haiz...everytime reach the main door i dun feel like going in...haiz...how?but i won't give up...tml going morning shift...next week all night shift...sure kanna fuck like a dog...

10:03 PM
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Wednesday, October 11, 2006
Chapter175: Desire

Haha wanted to write this blog long ago...but was too stress by the surroundding...sian ah...now doing my attachment at scarlet hotel...there hor,trainee like dog sia...haha still ok la...trainee need to do all the shit work in order to learn things...damn busy...but second day let me run service liao...quite good la...they as if take me as genius,show me one time expect me to know forever.....ah!!!so stress ah....
Desire...for guest to desire for food?or let the junior cook to learn wat they desire?i'm not a genius...but can i choose to be one?must be calm...if i choose,will i choose to be one?is this a chance?erm....dunno...i dun have choice i guess...i have to be one...in order to move on...cos it's too troublesome not to be one....

9:56 PM
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Friday, September 29, 2006
Chapter174: MIAOW

Actually wanted to post the blog yesterday...think think...erm...finally got the idea,make a nice coffee and sit down realli to type...suddenly a shadow fly then my coffee fly to my laptop n books...i know is her...miaow...my cat...y?i didn't disturb her,i feed her,n i treat her not bad nowadays wat...she bite my things i also nvr realli beat her...sometimes still bring her for supper...wtf...b4 my cup fall to the ground i grab her n slam her on the wall...ouch,i know...tt's my natural reaction,n just when she touch the ground she hide under my bed...i close the windows,push rukya out of the room,lock the door...i shout n chase after her...grab her neck n slammed her on the wall...she scratch me real hard...i didn't feel anything...at tt time i was realli mad...i dun really wan to control myself...after so much work,i'm stress enough...i know she's just a cat...but the violent me came without warning...wtf....i didn't disturb her wat...i throw her into the toilet...i really stunned for awhile...spray her water...wash up for her...n i know this is the last time...next times comes,most probably i'm going to bury her like tif...haiz...my hand bleed alot...but...i feel the heart pain...y didn't i control myself?y she did this to me?haiz...will the relation end?think alot...
Dear came back...she was stunned about my hand...total 18 scratch...cats onli got 18 nails...haiz...i decided to let her go...she already in puberty age...i can't just find another male cat her n then let them have a family wat...i dun have the money to let dun have to reproduce...onli have to let her go ba...haiz...dear's sad...i'm sad too...but haiz...for her sake la...i'm crazy...she shouldn't follow me...

Why mankind should have ppl n things tt are important to them?
If,they dun have these things,
Will they be happy or sad?
Will they lost the sence of security in heart?
Or is this important?
Now i know,
Losing someone is sad...
No matter u choose it anot,
Sadness will nvr forbid...
Maybe I shouldn't have anyone tt is important to me ba...

11:26 PM
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Monday, September 25, 2006
Chapter173: Work Experience Attachment

Hehe finalli exam over...had a farewell party last sat...n of cos our WE briefing...everyone had a logbook... like life so important... lost tt means lost my diploma...haha everyone is gonna start on 2nd of october...but i start later 11 am...haha extra again...nvm la...no break no break loh...i gonna finish early ma...doesn't realli matter la...haiz...life sux...
Played basket ball after tt,super tiring...played with alan,the china guy from school banquet,very fast...first round get 11-3 i win,2nd round 11-4 i lose...haha then still think of having the 3rd match then got a malaysian,27, and a australian,29, wanna play with us...then ok loh...i team with alan...the australian damn tall,the malaysian damn fast...haha score is 7-2 we lose...somemore the 2 point is i shoot 3 point then can get one...very difficult to go into the red box...they got very good team work then i n alan first time play together...after tt got 5 guys wanna play with us...5 on 5 full court...my team got me,aus guy,malaysia guy,zhe n a small kid...the small kid is b4 i play with alan we play for fun then know de...alan leg cramp so nvr play...our opponent very the sucks,abit onli foul,then we foul they say nvr foul...i say play for awhile cos my leg pain then got one guy say i can stand there dun move de...bloody hell,damn fucked up...then half way 1 of their member fall n twist the knee,then their captain,the guy tt scold me just now,call him to move away they dun need him...wtf!!!realli damn rubbish loh...seriously la,our group like onli 4 ppl,the small kid realli not good enough,lucky got the tall guy,when he lay up,the hand is just beside the rim onli,the malaysia guy very stable n good,then i n zhe is very good at speed,my leg got alot of blister already still sprint faster then them...then half way alan change with zhe,i wanna change but alan take zhe place...haiz...wanna cry already,blister burst already...muscle cramping already...so?keep on playing loh...seriously i deprove alot liao...now 3 point the most 10 got 3 in onli...haiz...in the end lose,21-19...fuck la...just a game...n give them face play onli...but their attitude hor...forget it la...
After tt bring rukya to my house then now still at my house...haiz...dog n cat in the same room...they can't fight la...i here who fight who die...haha...but eve n her mum quarreling about the dog leh...how ah?how am i going to keep this dog with me?without breaking the impression is one thing,issit possible anot?or should i even keep her...dunno leh.

12:52 AM
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Monday, September 18, 2006
Chapter172: Final Examinations

Later,i'm going to have exams...my last exam period in shatec...today is beverage knowledge...the ta ma de got alot of things to remember...all the funny name...french,italian... haiz...dunno wat the hell i reading...stay untill so late to study...time to take a rest...tired...later sure alot of morning call de...guys...c this dun mind call me at around 8.30 hor...thanx...jia you n good luck to u all guys...

6:40 AM
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Sunday, September 17, 2006
Chapter171: Sentosa

Haha my gal call me go sentosa yesterday...she told me tt on friday...is like,y loh...she say her friends call her go there...haiz...her guy friend again...dunno y la..once talk about her guy friends i dun feel good...among her guy friend onli got a few tt will click with me one...so i say dun wanna go...then i felt tt it''s not very good to reject everytime she call me go out to new places...so i ask her lor,go there do wat...then she say go there picnic,then swim abit loh....erm...then i say, if like tt then nvm la...go relax abit...cos monday my last exam starts...i think i will just hide one corner n build my sand castle...haha...
Next day, found tt onli 2 of us actually...but she insist of going...then go loh...wait quite long on bus n buying ticket...finally got there...drop my bag n went to swim with her...had a good time actually...she's very happy...haha,did alot of things there but erm...dunno how to say la...just swim n enjoy the wind...she buried me also haha...wish tt we could have more time together when i'm having my attachment...haiz...

6:34 PM
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Thursday, September 14, 2006
Chapter170: Impossible into Possible

Had seen doctor yesterday...y?just got back to school then wanna take mc...becos when i just get back to school, all the shit work for me to clear...my kitchen organisation and intro to f&b project... a fucking big project... the biggest in my whole entire theory lesson... the objective is to start a restaurant...erm sounds easy but it's god damn difficult...imagine,u r going to open a restaurant... all the things u have to get urself...floor plan for restaurant, kitchen, bar setting... menu,food cos control, recipes... equipment for kitchen, restaurant, bar and even toilet... licenses...erm... hidden things example, how many powerpoint u need in the restaurant, or maybe the payroll for ur staffs and how many u staffs u actualli need or u idealli wan...ah, the hidden things is cpf...wa...if u realli wanna go into details can write a few hundred pages...haha we already got 120 pages excluding licsence tt stands around 40 pages...
Seriously u wan a few 18-19 year old kids to plan to detail,especially singapore kids,it's almost impossible la...but can la...if 5 got team work and heart sure can one...plus me somemore...wahaha...i tot is like tt,but the more i do the more i think it's difficult...then kanna suspended,then i dun care about the project liao...came back last friday,my group present like fuck then re-do some part of the project...all start to back stab each other...totalli no team work...haiz...i nvr realli look into it and now i ma chiam one man show...i c the finishing product of my group...like shit...realli cannot make it...re do the project, spend 2 sleepless nights...try to go as detail as possible... then i c the impossible part of the project...is to 3d-lise the whole restaurant and c all the possible hidden cost..i can c...but maybe not perfect at my stage of experience and thinking,but i'm sure my group member can't think one la...the important part is how to let everyone in the class understand?if i can make a animation out of it then easy...but i dunno how...ah...i try my best...can be better,but i got no time n energy anymore...
Aiya just present la...some floor plan is my gal do for me de...instead we quarrel...her thinking n my thinking differs...as a student for fnb she got some ideas i dun have de...but the project is mine...i do no good tt means i not good enough...she's not fromm my group...nvm...she also nvr sleep...make her tired also...she say she dun wanna leave me alone n c me tired...but do u think i wanna c her tired where everything got nothing to do with her?when she tired she forget this forget tt...brain become very stupid in some sence...which will make me angry leh....but it's all for me...dunno whether to angry anot...haiz... life is tough...sad...wat can i do?
Then recently calculate my result...all my test and assignment for some subject is 0...one of them is communication skills...calculate, if i wanna pass tt subject i have to get 48 out of 50 for my exam...crazy...near to impossible also...but how?i have to do it la...in order to prove impossible into possible...

12:45 AM
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Thursday, September 07, 2006
Chapter169: BAGE-MON-DA!!!

Haha...i still dun wanna sleep...u believe i'm sick?muahaha...now no sence of smell at all...got alot of flam...haiz...so sad...but dunno y not realli tt tired...haha just found the best place to connect my wireless connection...my window!!haha have to clear my table n move some furniture in my bedroom...connect dunno how long liao still haven't break...so happy...hehe...but just scare i not at home my cat go play with my mouse...keke...
Go around friendster and clear my bookmark list...c who i wanna add n who can delete...then c alot of my long time no c friend...last time nvr add one...then c alot of chio bus last time i bo liao go put as bookmark...then force myself too c all...erm...found tt gals tt have a ugly bf,which i last time very jealous one,now all become........BAGE-MON-DA!!!!(monster in jap) wa say, realli loh...dunno y...like kanna car buang like tt...haiz...not so horrible la...haha...but realli loh...erm,is my taste changed or they realli become ugly...scare...wait my gal follow me for long liao also become like tt...also got alot...become ugly leh...no bf also...dunno wat happened...
Haha...actually looks will change one day de...just onli dunno when onli...old liao also be ugly...but inside the heart leh?dear, hope ur heart can remain...the part my instinct loves....haiz...go eat chai tou kway liao...da da...

8:22 AM
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Chapter168: ME

Ha,dunno wat the hell i'm doing in the middle of the night this time writing blog...long time no update my bloggy sure angry liao...ha i'm sick somemore...
Read my past blogs...find it funny...haha lousy english dun say,wat i wrote...crazy...found myself weak n fuck up...once i wrote about him...actually he's still around but actually is not 'him'...it's
'them'...haha it's crazy la...there someone call 'alvin', another call 'nivla'.another seldom come, i call him,erm...'L' ba...he's the limit of me,'vyn'.funny hor?a person can become so many person...it's not imagination,it's also not very real la...it's me tt changes through desire,conscious,anger and justice...haha basically anger is when i'm too fucking tired then i will lost control...c how tired i am la...last time abit tired onli he comes out...now...i think can control le ba...then desire always around...hehe this one very dirty...all the selfish perverted and wicked tot's come from him...then someone tt counter him is justice.very kind,care for others,humble,cry baby, all from him...i'm conscious...
I dunno la,i think all humans have this kind of personality in them,but either they nvr bring them out or controlled them...or dun even notice them...i choose to c them...control them...let them wild at times and use them sometimes...my sis is those tt dun bothered to c them,but i'm so curious,n last time i was controlled by them...now better off...dun worry...haha i'm ok...

6:01 AM
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Wednesday, September 06, 2006
Chapter167: Connections

Life is full of connections man...all this connections confirm brings u sadness and happiness...just dun look into detail of how much sadness n happiness it brings,if u do, normally u will find tt it will bring u sdaness more or even onli sadness...just like do u remember ow many times u smile a day and how many times u cry a day...of cos crying will make u easily remembered becos all of us take happiness for granted,of cos there r exceptions...so dun care whether it's happy or sad,just make the full use of ur connections just how u make full use of ur life...
Connections r things tt sometimes u need them to solve ur 'boring' problems...sometimes it's a bigger use...how big u can use them depend on how much u can give in...but doesn't mean u put in 10 kg of time n energy in it u will get back 10 kg of usefull things...sometime even u get back 0...nothing...of cos the use of killing boredom seems to always be there...i got a problem,i last time,not long ago,i tot i put in so much effort in building my connections then i should get help when emergency comes but i'm extremely wrong,dun ever demand anything in return...unexpectedly u will even lost the connection or weaken...cos humans r selfish,dun blame them...so this lesson teaches me,if u feel like building up tt relation tt u have to put in alot of commitment and emotion,think carefully b4 u put in,think, if u r in emergency,will tt person help u?not to say so,even if tt person willing to think of a way to stop me from falling it's good enough already,i will put in my commitment...seriously,after tt lesson i put it this way,i won't need anybody's help even if i put in all my commitment n emotion in to care for tt person...i dun need UR HELP,just dun step my hand when i'm hanging on the cliff can liao...i dun need ur hand to pull me up,u can go off...if i'm so useless to fall then i shall fall...
Haha with this thinking,if anyone helps me i will be very grateful ba...like tt i will even be happier...haiz...even for her...i give in so much time,realli alot,u think la,did i ever put in so much time n effort for anyother person anot?possible anot?becos of u, i lost alot,last time indeed i plan to get back something from u and ur family,but now...just dun throw rock down the well which i'm trying hard to climb up...haha although u r...but i dun mind...even u seal the well i will find a way out...becos, i love u...100% true from my instinct...

4:07 AM
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Monday, September 04, 2006
Chapter166: Analysing situation

Had a bad time nowadays...a month ago...i was suspended from school due to bad attendence,and now pending for appeal...basically i'm expell...from the day i receive the letter, all my test will be void,dunno whether my projects will be void anot...haiz...if all r void and by the time i go back it should be time for exams...if all r void then i have to really do well in my exam to push up my marks...if not dunno how...whether i can go back also a mystery...my gal says sure go back one...just like she last time like tt... but wat if i dun?haha it should be better in someways...although i wasted so much time n money...but...it maybe better if i start work immediately...it may be a disgrace...i dun give a damn la...just for the sake of all this time n hardwork i put in i should continue my studies...in the end the choice is not up to me now...i should realise earlier on but wat's the use of saying anything now?too late...i can try my best to show my enthusiasm but tt's all...of cos i will study hard just in case i have to go back, and becos i need the knowledge even if i dun go back to school...this is my career,and i won't change just becos i'm out of the bloody SHATEC...
Now i know the feeling of my gal being kick out of school last time... dun feel like going back,wat's the point?i dun really need the diploma,i can just fight my way out next time...it's ok...but tt all feelings...in fact i may need the bloody diploma next time...it's the base,if i fall i got tt stupid paper to save my ass n won't fall lower than those who dun have the stupid toilet paper...tt's the fact,somemore i left less than half of the whole cos wouldn't it be stupid to drop out just like tt?plus concider the pain my family feels... they will be disappointed,n feels hurt...i can say i will pay them back the money,but can i pay them back the lost of time?shit... i have to go back...after so much analysing,result is i do my best to show concern about whether i can go back,and once i go back i have to put in real effort to stay on...other than tt i can't do a shit...so,vyn, cool ya...dun worry guys...

3:45 AM
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Friday, September 01, 2006
Chapter165: Happy 21st Birthday...

Ya...my birthday....21st birthday... receive alot of present n demanded alot of present...Got some donations from friends to be birthday present...cos urgently no money and dun wanna borrow anymore money...francis:$21, apple:$50, hui xiang:$30. actually still got alot more to take but they promise but nvr give... haha nvm la...they dun owe me,just donation,i really can't beg them for money...although it's tough,but it's over...failed my ippt by failing the 2.4 run... sian...nvm,go rt lor...haiz...tt's the present from god ba...thanx brother...then my father give me this laptop...my mum give me $800 to return back to her...(?!?!)my sis n bro in law give me a funny pants...n also treat me to k box...haha very fun...haiz...n nvr forget, my gal giving me the necklace i have now... i love it... haha love u gal...haiz...dunno wat i'm doing man...i will take care de...ja...

11:55 AM
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Saturday, August 26, 2006
Chapter164: Cries.

Have been 2 months since i last up date...Been working hard towards school n work...end up receiving nothing...nearly lost the important gal, lost a important cat...Tiffany laviva... a stray cat... but it is as important...blame myself...
Been climbing up the slope... plan things properly but didn't do it properly...just wasting time...trying so hard but i get to no where...pathetic...was being told tt i'm arrogant and basically fuck up... didn't really admit, but if i'm really tt fuck up,then,the one suffer the most is the one tt is nearest to me...if i'm lacked of confidence then how can i be arrogant?i dunno... i really dunno...
Even she says so...even i felt so...so should it be so?wat can i do?i realli wanna change...issit part of life?haiz...can it be helped?i'm down this time...realli have to think...but just to say,i'm sorry if i really give u this trouble,i didn't wan forgive, i just wan u all to feel better,n maybe i realli shouldn't exist...

1:35 PM
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Monday, June 26, 2006
Chapter163: Memories of L'Antipasto

Suddenly found tt i had changed 6 job after i ord till now... already one year liao... time really flies... problems clashed onto me...alot... slowly found tt, it's my fault... my big head csm already told me about my weakness...Unfocus n lack of self disipline... this kind of weakness i think no need ppl to hai me i already hai si myself le.... nvr think tt it's big problem...yesterday doing facial with my gal at home tt time i was thinking...been to so many places...ritz carlton greenhouse,swissotel equinox,intercon banquet,hilton banquet...all these r service side... then L'antipasto n Laviva is kitchen side...soon i may end up in a new shop call 'new york new york' de,at city link... not confirm la but most probably...but among all these places, i always no show, late, mia...but the one tt i regret the most for all my negative being is L'Antipasto...second is ritz carlton... i'm a part timer... yes, but i also should have the responsibility loh... i can do work do untill very perfect,one of the trustable crew they can use me as, but wat's the use if i nvr come... haiz...i dun have this problem in ns cos if i nvr come or late i will have punishment...alot of elders like my big head csm, robert,wong,eric,n alot more...they told me nicely trying to convince me... untill robert tt day tok to me then i know...he is the most senior training officer i c in my life...he try to convince me in a nice way...n finally i seems to understand... i need to prove myself...hope i can go back L'Antipasto,but not now ba...i really dui bu qi chef mino la... haiz... a very kind chef...
Last problem...always my problem... this maybe the test for us... hope u understand,my dearest...really,dying maybe the best way out,but i now choose to kill...

7:12 PM
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Thursday, June 08, 2006
Chapter162: Aim

Haiz... found tt alot of my friends is advancing... human do advance... do change... some even moving back wards... but this time i'm not the one moving back... haha...even my gal knows...i'm moving full force forward...But i know i'm far away from wat i wan... once again i ask myself... wat's my aim... it seems to change... haiz...time to go...

9:40 PM
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Saturday, May 20, 2006
Chapter161: How far can i go?

Working in laviva 2 weeks... later still got work... today quite busy i think... haiz... actually i'm doing 48 hour this week... but becos kai loon got a new full time... haiz...onli did 23 hour... half... haiz... kanna this kind of things... so sad... my income will drop... haiz... next week going petals... plan to work closing on mon,wed,fri... then do the make up on the same 3 days... since i can't earn more so i as well use the time to clear my make up...if i do my make up on tue, thur, sat most likely i can't wake up...so one day xiong one day relax... haha... thinking the best way out of the worst... without evelyn's surpport dun think i can make it smoother...
My plan is use 2 person's strength to clear one person's debts,manipulating the income of 2 person is more difficult...lucky she love me...of cos i will pay back her... hahas...15 of june clear my external debts plus hp bill n cat's injection...15 august clear my internal debts alone...15 sept get all my things i wan...including cd,bike license...15 of dec buy a new hp for my gal n myself...by feb get a bike ba... hoho this is wat i plan... but detail write 10 page also not enough... i really got things de...
My mind now remembering alot of things... concallsion for cocktails, laviva menu, planning following day by day in my memory... compair,1 year ago... can my brian come to this stage? n how far i can go?

1:59 PM
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Friday, May 19, 2006
Chapter160: Curry Chicken...

Going to be late for work yesterday... but my gal still haven't eat dinner... left last 20 dollar... give her 10 i keep 10...she wan me to eat curry chicken with her...but i'm late leh... so give her money call her eat herself... haiz... sorry... reach laviva, staff meal curry chicken...-_-" next day go school production, staff meal, curry chicken...-_-"" then go work laviva, staff meal, curry chicken...-_-""" WTF... had enough of it...^_^""

1:53 PM
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Sunday, May 14, 2006
Chapter159: Slope...

Wahaha found back my wallet le... funny thing is not a single hair lost... wahaha singaporean r kind n helpful de... muahaha!!!
But i lost my hp...T_T"" But found back too... a ang mo got it from the cab... then my gf go take back... erm... dunno should i say i suay or heng leh...haha...
Been working in Laviva for 5 days le...like tt place... can click with the ppl there... one thing is there very noisy, always 'har' 'har'? de la...but ppl there very patient n respectful... hoholike tt i earn 154 liao... next week i gonna work like siao like... the last time i felt stress in this way is at ritz carlton...everyday work 14.5hr plus study but it's worth it... like tt 336 in my account le...then continue to wack wack wack...
Once roll down from the slope tt i nvr get to stop...everytime think tt it's the end, it's the time to go up but i'm still falling... i'm very sure this is the time to run up the slope again... get back wat belongs to me...

7:15 PM
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Sunday, May 07, 2006
Chapter158: Good day...

3rd of may i lost my wallet... haiz... so sway... but thinking it as a good experience is not bad... haha... then no time to do new atm card... 4th got remedial for food cost, 5th got exam on food cost... 6th holiday no open... today sunday... tml then can go make... haiz... nvm loh... then yesterday go interview... the jayson from "a" class intro one... i think he is the most experience student in our batch, so maybe he got lobang... then intro me to CHIJMES tt spainish restaurant call laviva... seems not bad, n they give me 7/hr... hehe not bad... lucky... then after tt go evelyn house to c parents... so scared... buy 2 soft drinks go up... they like not so anti me leh... still ok la... can talk... then talk with eve's big bro,victor... maybe age close tt's y can talk more... haha think i too excited so speak till not like me... lucky nothing much clash... but think they tired liao so next time then visit...
Haha quite a good day yesterday yesterday,but today seems funny leh... must be evelyn expecting too much from me again... haiz... as a couple shouldn't expect anything from others... just give wat u have to love ones... wat u get back is bonus n treasure it more... as a human should be like tt le... but y expect? haiz,maybe i expect too ba... so let's dun expect anything from return ba... hehe jia you!!!

7:22 PM
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Wednesday, April 26, 2006
Chapter157:Love Song...

Long time nvr come here...no time plus no money...been working hard on my EC(Event Catering)this few month n launch last week...470 pax not bad...but didn't break record...nvm...this week is FHA, this year singapore's largest event...too bad i'm visitor...n i have no place to work,no money,school starts free labour all the way again...so poor,go everywhere to borrow money from friends...haiz...
Been with her almost 4 months le...found the distance with her is really different...dun feel like talking to her about anything...something great happens between us but i just dunno how to settle now...realli dunno...breaking my limit for emotion...it's a tough time but i controlled my emotions... sometimes thinking where's my limit?always seems to find a way to overcome problems in life...wat i know now is to take a break...put things a side,be normal...wat i can do is put her in front of me,abit further,so i can breath more then slowly put her back,slowly...just have to control my emotion like tt... then i will be like myself more...without anything to lost without anything to afraid...
Sorry dear,i will jia you de...These months,i felt tt i had alot to say to u...all these words,if i change them in phrasing,will become a very beautiful song...one day i will sing to u...my own love song...

5:25 PM
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Tuesday, March 28, 2006
Chapter156: NS... ORD loh!!!

Haha nowadays found tt alot of ppl going to go army already... example, liang zhe, my neighbour cum senior cum close friend... he's inside already... tekong bmtc sch 1 hawk coy... wish him good luck... ivan... dear's god brother... tt guy pretty useless n i all the way dun have good feeling to him... die bastard... then ade's bf... haiz... take care ya... although i dun like u... but u good luck it's also a way to make me happy... but all of u... go suffer the pain i went through as a guy... wahaha... do all the shit work n get crazy about it... haha... jer going ord soon, 66 more days... jia you...

8:12 PM
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Saturday, March 25, 2006
Chapter155: My fate,my truth...

From then on... my fate seems to set... study,study,work,work... Tt time... when i'm born... i nvr have much chances to choose the path... till i get into poli,i choose not to study anymore... i go in to army... n clear ns... 2 years... i'm back again... till now... ever since then when ever i have someone i love to be my gf, i will get bad luck n funny things happen... but everytime break up i wanted to find someone i love again... seems to be a cycle, a fate, a bond...
I nvr really trust fate... but i'm following it... again n again... i can feel the bond as if like a metal chain tying me tight...when can i really break this? everytime i seems to get over it but it comes back... feeling more n more demoralise... feeling more n more useless...
Finally she came, n her life seems to be a cycle too... with her reminder, i told her tt i'm gonna break the cycle with her cousin n her... i will be the one... but y not i break my cycle? y can't she be the last one? perhaps yes... although she also have her bad points... but doesn't seems to be anything bad...i hope so... n i will try my best to stop this irritating fate from cycling n cycling in my life... bring happiness to love ones often will be my truth n i will walk tt on...

6:48 PM
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Friday, March 10, 2006
Chapter154: First step or second?

Haha life isn't tt easy... always think to strive higher each time... but often go back to the same spot... been drop to one of the deepest hole... i mean the most toughest problem... nvr tot tt besides feeling n relationship, there will be things tt realli trouble me so much tt i can't settle... with the task of protecting the love tt i wanted for so long, i can't realli settle the unbalanced time system i'm using now... therefore with the low morale in me, i, in the end fail to bring happiness to my love... luckily... this is my ideal love... understanding n smoothing she is, understand my problems n given me advice to smoothen up things n finally i can stand on feet again... fell back n now stepping my step again... it's bigger than b4... it should land ahead of the first step i make... is this considered the first or second step? but confirm it's a stiff one...
Anyway thanx dear... this is already 2nd month...

1:10 PM
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Tuesday, March 07, 2006
Chapter153: Sins

Everybody is a sinner... it's born with us... but to me, even if i do something really bad to someone n end up making him or her better, even so i'm called a sinner, i'm happy with it... btw... noone can really be sinless even if u r not born with sin... cos everybody will eventually do sins in their life even they try not to... haiz...

4:40 PM
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Monday, March 06, 2006
Chapter152: Start of it...

Yeah starting of EC(event catering)... quite happy la... but actually we rather finish our petals attachment then go ec... haiz... nvm la... almost the same... most of my friend should know i go around asking ppl wanna buy anot... now then i know... luckily i nvr go do mlm... if not i sure cannot sell one... like alot of ppl dun wanna support leh... dunno la... i just try my best... if no good also bo bian... wat i felt is tt i didn't stand any position in the group... with or without me also the same... but... lucky not without me better... so i still working hard on it... so in the end no good no regrets loh... so everybody... pls support orh...

4:22 PM
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